TEWR Ep 32 - Up the Creek without a Paddle

The Enemy Within Revisited Cast:

Gustav Myrthenbaum the Dilettante (Davy White)
Hargrin the Troll Slayer (Kevin Bronakoski)
Bran the Amber Wizard (David Crapper)
Rutger Abend the Zealot (Chris)

There’s water water everywhere and I feel like i’ve drunk every drop of it. 

The Barren Hills they said, a treacherous chaos infested wasteland of twisted branches, and nature forsaken foliage that clung to life but only barely. A rock blasted mound of jagged, razor like rocks that threatened to slice our legs or break an ankle with every step. It was tough, but I was ready for all of that. I’ve climbed the mighty misty mountains, escaped from hordes of goblins in the legendary black fire pass, and even clambered alive if somewhat badly smelling, from the sewers under Ubersreik, But nothing, I repeat nothing could have prepared us for this ‘water’ 

Now I’ve nothing against water per se, and unlike Falco the pungently smelling ex rat catcher I regularly bathe, at least once a month, and sometimes even twice a month whether i’m in need of it or not. But this was not the luxurious bathing kind, more the white water furious roaring waters kind.. Watching Bran the crazy Raven guy roll the canoe looked fairly straightforward but oh how wrong I was. With nought but some flimsy coconut like helmet for protection we proceeded to capsize our canoes not once, not twice, but countless times. For myself I was determined to not give in and to carry on until success was assured. But my thoughts soon turned to self preservation when I watched the dwarf who’d already expressed doubts about the manner of our journey upriver, pass out from sheer exhaustion and fatigue. His stomach distended like some huge balloon no doubt filled with half the water from the riverbed. 

At that it appeared that our guide Bran had seen enough and decided we should all head back to Unterbaum for another nights rest and recovery and to allow us to pump the dwarfs stomach of river water and let him rest awhile. And rest we did in those dry beds with not a drop of water in them safe and secure in the knowledge that we’d not have to see them boats again this night. 

But alas day 2 came and for a time it was more of the same. Paddle paddle, tip, sink, swallow water, half drown, spit water and rinse and repeat. After a while though it seems our instructor gave the order for us to press onwards up the river. I am fairly sure however that this had more to do with our instructor tiring of our pathetic efforts than us being deemed somehow canoeing experts. I have to say for all my uselessness with the paddle the dwarf in particular looks less than seaworthy and I did my utmost best to avoid sharing a boat with him. 

I am quite sure it will be several weeks until all the water in my ears finally decides to leave my cranium and let me relax. And I must say that while I was not sorry to leave behind our ex captain Badigon the Boatman behind I am starting to understand a little more about why he may have been the cranky whinger that he was. Perhaps a life on the water really does make one a salty old sea dog. 

by GM Noely